I suppose the most logical place to start this story is with how I came up with the name Carbine China Doll. It came to me in a moment of pure and undiluted pain back in 2016. I sat on an oval in South Canberra crying. My nose was bleeding and eyes blurry from my tears. I got my phone out to call the police but couldn’t bring myself to make the call so instead I opened my notes in my iPhone.
There I began to write down exactly how I was feeling. I was scared and alone but also felt this unwavering need to be strong. If I died my family would be devastated…. so, I thought two things – what is the strongest material known to man? Carbine according to google results. I then thought about what the most fragile material on earth was. I didn’t google this however as I already had the image in my mind. The image was of a China doll. Delicate, dainty and innocent. In my mind a china doll was the definiition of fragile yet beautiful and undeserving of chaos.
From there the name was born. I want to say that back then I had no idea what to do with it but that would be a lie. I knew that eventually this would become something to help inspire me and others. And to remind us of the fragility of life.
in 2016 however, I wasn’t in a place to go any further with the name I created and now I find myself here . . . telling my story under the name that I hope will get me though my situation now just as it had back then as I sat hiding, bleeding and scared.
Carbine China Doll – I am unapologetic, I am fragile, yet I’m made strong.
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